Tonight I read a blog that moved me to tears. I picked up a sleeping monkey and held him while I cried. It was the story of a darling baby girl that was born with Down Syndrome. The pain and love I felt in her mothers words sucker punched me in the heart. I'm still crying. I am so blessed that Monkey was born healthy and is healthy. I worry everyday about his development and health.
My biggest fear is that I'll do something wrong somehow and he'll pay the price for it. When I was pregnant with him, I had nightmares that the Tylenol I took would give him a third arm. Now it's will this harm him somehow? If I don't make him use a spoon will he become a messy lazy slob? He's not talking now....will this mean he'll be behind other kids in school? Does it mean there's something wrong? Is he getting enough sleep? Enough good food? Enough water?
What makes me snap out of this?
When he smiles at me, claps his hands or says "amama" and snuggles in for a kiss and a cuddle. In the moment, I just know I'm doing what is right and what is best for him and me. I love him and I am beyond blessed to be his "amama".